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A time to speak plainly and from the heart...

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Articles This column is about some things I see in the paranormal community that I find need speaking of and I just wanted to comment about them in an air of open dialogue. And some of it relates to GRI, but I suspect a lot of it will find reflection in your own group or even, heaven forbid, yourself.

I've seen a lot of bad things happen to good friends of late and even a few to myself. Things are said, both in public and many times in private that have no business being said. Often there are no substantiating proofs other than innuendo and gossip that often turn out to be hurtful and painful to the victims.

I regret to say that even I have done this and I now realize it is not the answer. Even when someone has done something terrible to you and deserves your ire, one needs to bite the tongue and resist the urge to talk someone or some other group down. Negative news travels fast and if it is not worth saying, then it's worth being silent about.

I have often found that those who do seek to hurt or harm you or those you care about are often living in fear or in a world that demands they think of themselves first and others last. Most times, it is not even personal or truly directed at "you".

Often, the hurtful comments are not deserved. Sometimes they are. This business seems to inspire rivalries and even arguments and spats that, when you look at them, are worthless, cruel and which point out the insanity of even getting into these arguments in the first place.

There are no such thing as paranormal "territories" either. And with every living person outnumbered by the ghosts of those who have come before by a factor of thirty or more, trust me, there are plenty of haunts left to find and nothing threatening because a new group is on the scene. If someone is new and seeking friends in other groups to learn from, then it is time to extend an open hand of friendship with smiles and not suspicion and narrowed eyes with a frown as payment to a potentially new friend.

If a problem you just can't take anymore with someone does deserve direct talk, then have the guts to talk to the person it is about in person and do it in private for God's sake. They'll appreciate your honesty and direct and frank opinion. Most people can handle direct criticism. They just don't handle being made the victim of opinion or campaigns that they find they are the last to know about.

And countless flame wars and tit for tat exchanges do nothing to quell the anger. They only ignite rivalries that are regrettable to see.

Then there are the train wrecks...

One dear friend of mine looked up one day to see her organization split and was completely shocked at being the last to know. Another famous friend of mine was besmirched by people saying the most terrible of things in ways that border on defamation of character. Another was left in a terrible position due to circumstances not of his own creation and was made the butt of the most hateful collection of writings I've ever seen in my life.

And I've seen others over the past year who have been the victims of smear tactics that are nothing short of horrible and which are, 99% of the time, misrepresentations of truth and often about the oldest of the emotions... jealousy and hate.
 I myself have recently entered my own period of trials and tribulations. Recently, I looked up and saw just how things were shaping up, who was doing what and what was going on.

Without going into details, not doing what other people want you to do or expect you to do can come back on you. Some folks have chosen to say a lot and trust me, it gets back to the person it was all about. People talk...

When it was my turn in the chute to be the victim, I made the choice to not respond and to just sit and observe.

Taking stock of your situation also gives you the chance to observe your mistakes and where you could have done better. And believe me, there is always room to improve yourself. Demand more from yourself and you'll be surprised at what you can really do. Admit your mistakes, forgive yourself and then go on. And then ask forgiveness if you caused harm and fix the situation!

It's funny. What people say and what they do are such different things. And by sitting quietly and watching, you'll pick up those patterns that truly give you the real picture of what is happening.

The penalties for being true to yourself are worth it if you can be strong and accept that this is the reality of life and that no path is stone free.

I have said no to directions and desires that were coming at me that would have interfered with my family situation. And to be blunt, it is family first, paranormal second. That is how it should be and I've remained true to that decision with no regrets.

When you have family that is sick and not long for the world, then it is even an even more direct course to remaining true to your family. So I choose to care for those closest to me...

After some deliberation, I acted to change course and set a new direction for GRI. This has not been a pain-free decision. And it's one of those things that will insure we continue on and keep doing quality investigations along with meeting great people and making some awesome memories along the way.

One of the reasons I've chosen to stand and continue, despite the pain of finding out what was going on in my own camp was that I have family who are not quitters. Just because you encounter rapids on the river does not mean giving up. The best memories and life experiences come from facing down the challenges of life and overcoming the odds being thrown at you.

Most paranormal teams do not survive these stresses. We will survive them. The reason I know I can keep going with GRI and to lead a team is because I've survived disease, hardship, traumatic injuries, nine years of speech therapy and even losing my step-children in a bad divorce.

I've earned the right to lead and to continue on with something I really love.

In every case, life went on and I rebuilt. I know that this rough patch will pass and life will again be bright. So if you are going through your own dark path, hold firm and keep putting one step in front of the other. You will find the sun again!

I look to the future with optimism and enthusiasm. There will be many more cases, incredible haunts and fantastic people to make friends with.

So... I will not go away. I will remain true to my own heart, my love of the paranormal and the great people I've met along the way who have shown me that love and tolerance are the answers.

So... I hereby offer these commitments to my team, my dear friends, those who may take issue with me and, of course, myself:

To my friends who have stood with me, I give my thanks. You are truly the people who see beyond the immediate and look deeper into the pool of life.

To those who have heard or perhaps feel that I've been abrasive, abrupt or perhaps, insensitive, I extend my apologies and ask for a second chance and to know what I did wrong... Being all-too-human, I make mistakes and plenty of them. Perhaps, you too, have made mistakes and wish for a second chance... Think of that the next time you judge someone's fopaw or mistakes...

To those who choose not to understand or wish ill to me and those who follow their hearts, I choose to wish you well on your path.

To those who seek to cause harm. I forgive you.

To all, I will no longer speak ill of anyone or judge instantly what I see. Without time and facts, it is impossible to truly know what something or someone truly is.

My course here at GRI is set... I may walk alone on many a case and I will still not quit. For those who choose to walk a parallel path on occasion with me, the company will surely be appreciated and a smile returned to you.

I am a simple man trying to find the truth of the strange universe we live in. And in this search, many stones are found before one finds a comfortable path.

May your path be free of stones and smooth. And if you desire a friend who will not lie to you, who will tell you what he really thinks and will listen when the time to listen is needed, then drop a line. And then do me a favor... do the same for someone else in this business and even outside of the paranormal.

The world will be better for it..